Boris Bikes & Bordeaux

I've enjoyed varied means of travel of late:

a Ryanair flight(not fun due to some drunken chavs),

being driven around Germany/Holland in a greenhouse on wheels (no air con, 30+degrees, lots of sweat not fun),

Sailing (fun and totally for fun - decided as I live on an island time to learn to sail),

And a BA flight to Bordeaux (fun) for a recce, the talent being a Mr Dom Joly, he was initially going to attend but couldn't make it - his taxi from Gatwick back to London didn't get canceled. I saw his driver holding a 'Dom Joly' sign and broke the news, he asked if he was part of 'a wind up'. I explained he wasn't - but he wasn't happy.

I returned to Bordeaux some weeks later with Lighting Camera Operator to the stars - @Jonasabbott, @SoundManSandy (new to Twitter), @domjoly and client. Our mission to make some compelling content to inspire people to enjoy Bordeaux wine and perhaps even go visit.

We shot Dom taking part in a 'scream off', offering warm words of encouragement at a Marathon (where you drink wine as you run), and various other wine related activities. A particular highlight was the final day where with an hour to kill Dom undertook some dancing with a busker (hidden camera banter), I later briefed the busker he was being secretly filmed and that Dom Joly was a comedian - who wouldn't be joining him the next day - the busker was cool and with a 5 euro note was happy to sign the release form. Overall it was a great shoot and I came away having learnt much about grape juice.


The French enjoy cycling, they even have a Boris bike system. I recently encountered a 'bike off' in London where I and another chap both arrived at the only docking point available for our Boris bikes. I wasn't in a massive hurry so I suggested we toss a coin. He won, I lost. I then walked to the other end and seconds later a women took a bike freeing up space for me. I docked and turned around to notice the victor of the coin toss hadn't been able to dock his bike due to a technical issue - karma was on my side it would seem.

Like other euro cycling areas France is blessed with dedicated cycle routes, unlike the absolute carnage in Britain's First City Colchester*, however where they don't exist the cyclist casually rides where he/she pleases. This has never been the case in Britain, for as long as I can remember cycling on the pavement/anywhere other than a road has always been looked down upon, and today I had to fall on my sword over cycling on the pavement. As I swung by London's Barbican I saw the sign suggested 'no cycling' around a large open square / pavement. I saw the sign but was gently cruising (barely even peddling) as I turned a very wide corner onto a very wide pavement I saw rage in an elderly man's face. As I got closer I got sense I'd been caught out. This wasn't like the days when I'd be cycling on the pavement in the village doing my paper round, I was most certainly in trouble. The man spoke softly and with a good solid RP accent; "If you are looking for the road, its just there....". I smiled and said "I know", immediately getting off my bike and crossed to join the carnage of taxis, buses, white vans and city fast car drivers. Oh for a dedicated cycle lane with protective railings........

*
http://bit.ly/p6qzTa

Alex James, Boris, Iain, Albert, the Welsh & the Scottish

I was assigned to work on behalf of the Big Lunch to get some soundbites from Alex James (Blur) and Boris Johnson. Alex is now a farming man, producing his own cheese so an ideal face to promote the Big Lunch. The Mayor of London is a fan of all foods and so was equally a good man to have onside. We had to film a time lapse/shots of the world's largest picnic table being created just outside London City Hall. With a 6am call time I was provided with a Holiday in the night before, conveniently just around the corner but it cost my employer £171 - which seem very harsh considering the coffee provided was disgusting. Tho working with Alex and getting a couple of bites from Boris was fun I also met two other great guys, Iain _head gardener of the landscaped area outside City Hall, and his PUG Albert. Albert was very friendly and seemed to know all the other dogs, consequently Iain knew their owners - a nice community of dog walkers in the heart of London.

A man I've known for several years had up until last night refused to be my 'facebook friend' as didn't want to mix business with pleasure. Leaving behind his London job to work in Brighton I enjoyed a few beverages with him recently. The classic mistake of not eating enough food before hand led to a blind panic that the train doors were about to close on me at my station. I jump through the closing doors only to realise I was in Witham it was gone 1am and I really wanted to be in Colchester - a las a 30 minute wait for the next train was on the cards.

With it being the year of weddings/stags/general carnage in the lead up to many friends turning "old" at 30 years old..... the weekends haven't been too kind on the body. I seem to have paintball bruises from weeks ago and now general aches and pains from a weekend in Wales Canyoning. A total blast, such an exhilarating experience jumping 10 metres off cliffs/into waterfalls etc..... This all happened near Cardiff thanks to a company called liquidfriction.com. I've been to Wales/Cardiff many times but never experienced drinking culture of a Saturday night outside of Student mid week action - OMG utterly insane it was.

Carnage everywhere, but all good natured stuff as so many Stag and Hen parties. I saw a man get naked and wave his bits in front of a wife to be, only to be quickly evicted. I saw a young man laying on the floor whilst dribbling, he was unconscious so I called 999 for his hysterical female friend, then I saw a man running having punched a women in the face. Then the local Welsh policy advised against a venue which was apparently 'full of mongs'. I'm sure somewhere along the way I was also advised against mixing with 'valley girls' - sounded intriguing :)

The hotel we were staying in wasn't the most expensive I've been in and this was to be the downfall of my sleeping needss. Throughout the hours of 3-9am I was awoken by a group of Scottish lads who thought it appropriate to run down the hallway naked shouting 'let's go fucXing mental'. At 9am I popped my head out and asked for silence. Gratefully they obliged.

Birmingham to Geneva, Malaga?, Michaela Strachan & Coffee

I went to Geneva to work on behalf of a leading luxury car producer at the Geneva MotorShow. At first I feared another vast industrial exhibition space full of cars like any other MotorShow but then it hit me that my old Greek friend George, an internationally leading architect, was based in Geneva. Turns out he lived just around the corner from where I was staying. This was great news as he was able to show my colleague and I a few local sights over the next two evenings. My excitement at being in George's company led to some unusually high expenditure on fine wine and beer - resulting in my first ever case of flight sickness. Amusingly a lady who traveled close to me on that EasyJet flight saw me not looking my best on the Gatwick Shuttle train, "I take it you don't like flying dear? you didn't look too well on the place" - barely able to muster a smile I hadn't the heart to point out the true reason for feeling a tad jaded - it began with a bottle of Chardonnay and I think it ending with a bottle of Sparkling Chardonny with some local beer and a hoeggarden in the mix.

Thankfully I wasn't working the morning after... although I did have some interesting memories including a) being hustled by a women claiming to have a cancer stricken father - sadly for her telling me she was Greek didn't work out too well for her once my actual Greek friend returned from the toilet. Another interesting memory was the man who thought it appropriate to put his hands into my trouser pocket at 5 in the morning. He managed to find my wallet but I managed to find it back!

I'd landed in Geneva a little late in the day as had previously been working for the Vodafone Foundation in sunny Birmingham. Mr Gok Wan was tasked to deliver some lines to camera and we were to hoover up much else, Lighting Camera Operator to the stars Jonas Abbott was with me so all was smooth and straight forward. Some days later I found myself again with Mr Abbott on a plane via St Reatham to Malaga, Spain - well somewhere close by not precisely sure on local names. It was soooo hot and barely past March. Lots of 1960s/1970s style hotels and many cashed up Brit pensioners walking the streets. We had a great time, I discovered that I wasn't the worst at Golf (my first ever 9 hole course), I also discovered that the oranges on trees may appear ripe but they actually taste vile.

An interesting side affect of trying a taurine drink entitled JOSS was that I didn't really feel normal for about a week. Epic temperature, poor ability to sleep, mild panic and a couple of unspeakables. Thankfully I managed to recover in time to be on form to work with Michaela Strachan. We were producing an online editorial video for a car insurance firm with Michaela Strachan encouraging parents to be more active with their kids over the weekends. I wrote the script and managed to ensure reference to enjoying woodlands, the beach and open spaces were included. Consequently our day filming was only just down the road from me near Chelmsford which meant for a lovely working day, albeit somewhat unusual to speak to an entire school assembly about working in 'film' LOL.

With the need for a filling to be replaced I booked a Thursday and Friday work out of my diary and traveled to one of the country's greatest cities: Lincoln. Amusingly I found myself sat on a table with a bunch of dental students who were on a party weekend of somesort, we hit it off and before I knew it my breakfast burger king XL with cheese and bacon was being washed down with some white wine - quite a lot in fact as I thought it would ensure getting through the dental work with ease - which it did.

Before hitting the dentist tho I went into one of my fav. coffee shops in Lincoln to seek out some nice medium bodied, chocolately smooth arabica. They were out of stock and the only way I was going to be able to get some would be to visit the warehouse - I couldn't believe my luck, I was being escorted to a coffee warehouse. The good people at Stokes (coffee producers of Lincoln) gave me a delicious flat white and we spent some time chatting through all things coffee. My trip to Lincoln was marked by sophistication and moderate consumption of fine uphill based food options/general explorations and antique browsing. I left Lincoln via the slowest train in the East Midlands to Peterborough where I changed to head to Ipswich to go and meet with some old school chums.

Fish and Fashion

I was assigned on a top secret mission to go behind the scenes of the filming of some Young's Fish Commercials with Port Isaac's Universal-signed Fisherman's Friends. Joining me on this mission was a first rate cameraman Carlos "big in Dubai" Homer. We set sail from London's Paddington mid afternoon on a Monday. With three nights sleeping in Cornwall we took to investigating where we would be staying with the power of the Iphone. Our first hotel didn't have a conventional website with what looked like semi-drunk photos of the bar staff on their 'staff' section. The hotel was based on the very edge of Britain and the night sky was awash with bright stars. Phone reception didn't exist so we procured a local beverage and awaiting a random bumping into the women in charge of us (Lucy Newson: FrankPR). Prior to her arrival (accompanied by Jake a Photographer) we had fun settling in with the regular drinkers at the bar. It wasn't quite like the Ewoks meeting C3PO for the first time but it was close to that. The natives were keen to interrogate us as to what we were doing in Cornwall at possibly the most off-peak time of the year. I'd been briefed to be careful about my twitter and facebook comments about the top secret mission so we had to keep things ambiguous - "we don't know why we are here", "I think its something to do with Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall and Rick Stein", "something fishy" I told them. No more questions were asked. We bumped into the boss and soon retired to bed. I had hoped to fall asleep to some Marina and the Diamonds c/o youtube but Carlos' testosterone levels were must have hit a new high and I hadn't a chance of accessing youtube so despite the sub zero temperatures I fell asleep.

Day2: Padstow.

After a fry up from the catering van in total darkness we meandered to 'set'. The morning's shoot was based at the Quay with the Fisherman's Friends having 'brought the fish from sea'. Aside from interviewing an extra and being an extra pair of eyes and ears for Carlos I didn't have to work very hard so when the afternoon came I decided to give Carlos a break and go out on a rib (very small inflatable boat) with the safety drivers to get some shots of the Fisherman's Friends boat at sea. I'd been out around the headland of Padstow before in a speed boat but this was like no other boat trip and like no other shooting I'd ever done. Nearly three hours at sea and my body felt like it had been forced to spend 24 hours working out at a gym. The sense of achievement was my reward as was the 4 x 5 seconds of usable footage I'd shot. That evening we ate at Rick Stein's Bistro and slept rather well.

Day3: Port Isaac.



We landed at the port. Cameraman Carlos, Photographer Jake and the boss (Lucy: FrankPR) went to the unit base to seek out breakfast. I was keen to explore the beach so left them to it. I found a couple of massive (dead) spider crabs, an edible crab and a star fish so for kicks placed them rather close to Lucy's pink suitcase. This was perhaps the start of some major banter around pranks. Carlos handed my a cup of tea and some porridge - at the very bottom on my porridge was a rather dubious brown substance. I took a couple of mouthfuls but it wasn't right so I left it. Spotting some smiles amongst the team it soon became clear I'd been stitched up with brown sauce. Retribution was going to be sweet - or in the case of Carlo's lunch time desert strawberry cheesecake with mayonnaise instead of cream :)

Final Day: Padstow

Due to epic rain our camera's viewfinder had failed. This meant for uneasy shooting but thanks to the production team on the commercial we were able to borrow a monitor to get through it. At lunch time I spotted the Fisherman's Friends enjoying some diet coke's in their local watering hole so I persuaded them to come and do a little fun for our video:




I've always been a big fan of spending time in Cornwall and this trip proved no exception.

Writing this on the back of a brief trip to London's Fashion Week. My job was to get some reactions from audience members at the Vodafone VIP event. There were some seriously trendy types all over Somerset House. Pleasing to see some royal blue and Tweed action.

Controlling the lights on the London Eye, Myleene Klass, an old friend and a toast to Colchester

On Monday I produced and directed a top tips (greener living) editorial video with Myleene Klass - lovely atmosphere on set and I think I convinced Myleene to get involved with beekeeping. That evening I had to stay over as call time Tuesday was 05:50, so I went to Parliament for a quick drink with the hon. member of Lincoln and then went to locate my hotel in Tottenham Court Road.

After a casual walk, with a very loud suitcase on wheels, my Iphone battery failed so despite being within two minutes of the St Giles Hotel I had no idea in which direction. A slightly upmarket hotel reception looked like a good source for tourist info and also provided a chance for a quick visit to the gents. I checked into my St Giles single room with the hope of simply putting my feet up and watching a little tele - earlier in the day lighting cameraman to the stars Jonas Abbott had pointed out how nice it was to sometimes just watch tv when away on shoots. Sadly I had a dodgy aerial cable and could only get hold of BBC2. Slightly miffed with the situation and having not eaten food since lunch I went to explore the options within the hotel. There was a casino which I poked my head in and then I discovered a bar with food menus. To my pleasure I could see they had Hoegaarden on tap - £5 a pint mind - en route to which I could hear a lot of northern chatter and then upon studying the menu saw nuggets and chips being a main meal option. It wasn't for me so I went over the road to Sainsbury's bought some bread, olives, cheese and a couple of pints of Cravendale milk.

The next morning I met the crew and pr team opposite the London Eye. EDF Energy were now responsible for it and Myleene Klass was to make an appearance and 'turn on the lights' so to speak. There were a high number of snappers and z1 / Video journo types keen to get images of Myleene in front of the Eye. When it was our turn we were about to turnover when the lights on the eye started to go mental - it was giving cameraman Jonas Abbott a few more grey hairs so in a moment of terrifying power we were offered the chance to change the lights to our suiting. "Back to the previous volumetric white lights please" we cried and so it happened, as well as an extended duration - I asked for six minutes, we agreed on four but seemed to get more....



Following the shoot we went for a fry up and upon checking the edit was sorted it was an early well deserved wrap. Although, I had agreed to go talent scouting for some filming to happen this Friday - so I put a call in to an old Pal "Paul". We hadn't seen each other for a shocking two years (this is not a man of facebook) and whilst I only called to see if the man would be keen to star in a video he suggested we meet for a drink - having finished my work for the day how could I refuse. As I was waiting to meet him at Liverpool Street an IC3 male with strange bright coloured clothing staggered towards me, I didn't fancy loosing my iphone so began studying his movements from the corner of my eye. He whipped out a massive roll up and began to smoke what clearly wasn't standard 'backy'. A nearby builder clocked the situation and asked the man what tobacco he was smoking and that it was 'strong' stuff. I smiled under my beard and within seconds had been reunited with my old friend Paul.

We drank quite a lot of red wine - the only two non suited men in Corney and Barrow we were a sensational hit with other extended lunch time drinkers - exchanged a business card and met someone once employed by someone who still hires me.

Keen to get home in time to see Ipswich play the gunners I made a last minute dash for the 18:30 train and found myself standing in First Class. A french man was banging on about some new technologies and was disparaging towards Iphones. I waited until close to the end of my journey before making a point of plugging my phone into a power socket and making a public joke out of the battery life. Once it was charged I decided to point out to the French man (and his corporate blackberry friends) the benefits of the iphone - he remained unconvinced showing me some crap nokia with a 3.2 meg camera _yawns_.

So Ipswich didn't win but I had a nice curry whilst watching the game with friends. Today we shot an editorial video with Oz Clarke (legend). Upon wrap we cracked open a bottle of Colchester white wine, Bacchus, and raised a toast to Colchester. Happy days.

OUT OF ORDER

Last night a few friends and I used a National Express Intercity train to get to Ipswich for a birthday dinner.

Having enjoyed an aperitif (or four) I was in need to use the toilet. Good job it was simply a wee as out of the four toilets I attempted to use only one didn't have an out of order sign on the door (and was locked). The only toilet not out of order was full to the brim with toilet paper and human waste however it was the best option I had.

A letter of feedback will be on its way to NX shortly.

Another instance of feeling that offences were commited in my direction which were out of order was experienced a couple of weeks ago when visiting the lovely Suffolk market town of Woodbridge.

Here is a copy of the letter which is still sitting in the council's in tray:

Jan 2011
To whom it may concern,

Yesterday I traveled from Colchester to meet a dear old friend in Ipswich, he came from Needham Market. We found amusement and mild merriment in Ipswich but were keen to seek out something with a little more charm so we decided to make the 8.5 mile drive to Woodbridge.

On the recommendation of a friend whom works in your fine town we parked in the Budgens car park and at 13:36 we purchased a ticket from the vending machine. Uncertain of our plans we thought it prudent not to opt for the 30 minute ticket, nor the 1 hour ticket but instead went for a two hour option, at the cost of One British Pound - exceptional value compared to some of the larger neighbouring towns and cities. Off my friend and I went to explore the delights of Woodbridge. Our first port of call was the Frangipani Coffee House where we had a delicious locally produced potato and leek soup with a buttered cheese roll on the side. Feeling fully fuelled we explored some truly unique local retail outlets concluding our exploration in the British Heart Foundation charity shop where we came across some intriguing vintage clothing. We were both mesmerized by the array of individual and local shops, most of our time seemed to be consumed by exploring vintage clothing options and second hand music treats.

After further retail exploration we noticed the sun was beginning to fade and given our respective journeys back to Colchester and Needham Market we simply couldn’t resist dropping into the Georgian Coffee House to grab a quick dash of coffee before our departure. Upon entering this fine establishment my friend pointed out there were a couple of caramel slices looking rather lonely so we decided to take a seat and liberate them. Upon consumption, and to our sadness, we realized it was probably time to get going. Neither of us could recall precisely what time we had arrived in Woodbridge but assumed that our two hour parking ticket would be soon to an end.

Upon returning to our car we noticed a yellow plastic parking notice had been applied. After close inspection it was clear we had outstayed our car parking ticket by a few minutes, enough so that we have been issued with a £40 penalty notice. The notice had been issued to us at 15:51, and at the time of us reviewing it was 15:54. It is quite clear that we are in error of paying poor attention to the detail of our arrival time to the car park, but it surely seems disproportionate that we should be faced with a £40 cost given that the price to park for two hours was just £1. The extenuating circumstances are that we were enjoying time as tourists and spending money, helping support the Woodbridge economy. Our time keeping was poor but in our experience most car parks deduct the appropriate amount accrued at the end of the visit – managed usually by a barrier/ticket system. At a time of economic hardship for many our enjoyment of Woodbridge is something surely you would wish all tourists to emulate and we would therefore urge that in the first instance you consider abandoning the pursuit of the £40 fine imposed upon us. Moreover I would also urge you in the long run to consider the implementation of a barrier to control the precise costs to park, such implementation might encourage tourists and residents to stay longer within the town centre as opposed to rushing back to the car through fear of the imposition of a heavy fine.

Thank you in advance for your time, we look forward to hearing from you

Darius Laws

New Prices, New Time Tables & Boris Bikes

So the cost of a weekly ticket to London is now £103.50 - just under a 6% increase. This is far from ideal considering the eternally disappointing experiences on the train.

I've yet to fully comprehend the new time table but already I know I miss the cheeky 07:45 intercity train on a Friday - which was a rare opportunity for a seat on a train from Colchester.

Last night I traveled on the 23:02 to Ipswich which was so madly busy until we got to Shenfield:



The only comfort was 6 chicken nuggets provided by Maconalds and financed by a colleague and friend Dan Humphries.

Prior to the packed train journey we had traveled from Clerkenwell to Liverpool St via a Boris Bike. A truly wonderful way to travel around. I've only been an active user for two weeks but am a huge fan, although I did fall off last night - lessons learnt :)

reflection, 2011 and the 'little things'

During some moments of reflection I cut (a little raw) reel showing the sorts of folks I've been working with in recent years:



and at the agency where I often work we created a quick homage to Band Aid for Christmas fun:

http://www.linkto.tv/iframe/show/uuid/eqHhxIJMyzc

One of my final journeys from London back to Britain's First City in 2010 saw the classic situation of walking to the station's south exit to find that it is locked up. This only adds a few minutes to the evening's journey but when its freezing and you want the warmth of your villa its frustrating and having experienced it many times I took things into my own hands. I found some police style incident tape and 'roped' off the exit myself so that the next batch of late night, no doubt, McDonalds fueled commuters wouldn't suffer the same - sometimes its the little things:



I've resolved to try enjoy the little (simple) things in life a little more this year. Much more gardening and the influence of the bees will no doubt force a level of patience and care unheard of in my usual application of life. A return of chickens (following a visit from Mr Fox) is on the cards as well as the potential introduction of two relatives of tigers TBC.

I'm really excited about 2011. I, like our great leader, believe Britain has much to be optimistic about. In fact it was over a Suffolk ale the other night a friend mentioned that we should seek a return to the days of Empire - perhaps easier said than done but its this sort of ambition which we need now more than ever.

Work wise there won't be much going on for me until February so I think some trips to the gym, running and the fact that Thomas Charles Whitman has left two 1210s, a mixer and about 18000 hours worth of vinyl in my dining room might keep my entertained.

Rumours abound over possible weddings this year, with trips to Devon and Malaysia (possibly even Nam) almost confirmed. There will also be a few visits to my the great city of Lincoln - for I have a leaking filling which needs attention. I also hope that there can be trips to see Marina and the Diamonds, GaGa and Muse.

In Bruges

Despite the worst start to the British winter ever known in my life time we decided to battle on and still go ahead with the planned trip to Bruges - via the car.

06:00 hours Matt Eaton and wife-to-be arrived at the Rose Villa estate for the pick up, still sad over the loss of the chicken's I'd been up early and exploring the even fresher fox prints in the snow. The organisation of this trip was pretty non existent on my part. I only really packed core essentials the morning of let alone had any euros / european power plugs etc so the channel crossing service station proved use for more than the XL bacon cheeseburger breakfast option.

Bruges itself was simply stunning. New cluttered street signage, no yellow lines, no brutal 1960s/1970s architecture just wonderfully cute (small bricked) buildings.

We experienced a range of (in the words of an irish actor) gay beers, including Quack, the guillotine, hoegaarden rose, judas etc.... had a horse ride, saw the chocolate museum and just generally relaxed. I met an interesting coffee retailer who introduced me to giant coffee beans and sold me some green beans which I later roasted in the Rose Villa Estate pizza oven = nice.

As we were making good time on the way home we stopped off at the French hyper markets, wine, cheese and some more cheese were the order of the day and between the four of us we picked up enough supplies to power through until Christmas. Aside from an incident in a French car park, which probably destroyed Mr Eaton's chances of becoming a British Diplomat to France, the driving and entire trip was very smooth. A great way to enjoy a long weekend. Highly recommend being In Bruges.

DGL infected, brutual chicken deaths, backing Dom Joly, epic snow & off to Bruges tomorrow...

Whenever I get a cold - which is normally once a year - the process of infection is consistent. First headaches, then sore throat, then runny nose, nose bleeds, followed by more headaches and usually sore eyes but this time I had added fun trying to breathe and sleep whilst suffering from a disgusting cough. The kind of disgusting cough which can turn even the stiffest of upper lips whilst sat on a commuter train.... I've almost kicked infection but have learnt that my partner in European adventures, Mr Thomas Charles Whitman, is currently bed-bound somewhere in the non-lit streets of the fine Suffolk Countryside and now my lady is _inevitably_ infected.

Its been a cruel week in several ways, my virus, epic snow and the death of our chickens. I was in my sick bed yesterday when Lucy broke the news that they had 'gone' and that there were 'lots of feathers'. She wasn't wrong, I braved the Hoth System style weather and went to investigate. Sadly I discovered a headless two year old Boudicca within the snow, not far from her house. It was a sad moment and one which will remain for a while - you can't really blame the fox for doing what he is programmed to do, and within 24 hours I found myself eating a chicken korma..... but then again Mr Fox clearly kills beyond what he/his family need to eat as otherwise he would have take Boudicca's body away. I also spotted from a distance Sylvia's headless body. I've subsequently worked out the movement of the fox through his snow prints - and lessons have been learnt for the future protection of chickens. A shot gun license perhaps?



After a sad day laughter was found in the wit of Dom Joly, who is single-handedly responsible for I'm a celeb getta me outta here being on series link in the villa. I even clicked the red button and gave him a vote. He will be in the last three for sure and could win it. While the celebs hang out in the tropical climate down under Colchester, Lincoln and indeed many other fine British communities get wallopped with an avalanche worth of thick white stuff - and I'm not talking about full fat Cravendale. Once again the 'warmists' seem to have disappeared back into their boxes as Britain sees the most punishing of beginnings to winter on record - I would stress tho that my great grandma probably worked through ten miles of this snow on a daily basis just to go and pick up a loaf of bread from the baker so as my good Irish friend Trevor Elvin would say theres nothing wrong with walking (just make sure you take it easy ya).

This afternoon I learnt that the Russians had clinched the hosting of the World Cup from us, it felt like we had just lost the tournament all over again. A real shame especially as we sent out the big guns, respect has to go to HRH Prince William, future King of Great Britain; aside from sending out Ross Kemp what more could we have done? I can't help but think the BBC could have waited just another week to broadcast their FIFA-Panorama...

Right time to find out who's getting kicked outta the jungle, then I've got to pack for a 4x4-drive chauffeured journey to Bruges. Quite possibility a crazier idea than sleeping on the high street of Colchester in the snow and -4 temperature.... updates to follow.

Up in the sky & an Epic transport mission and I didn't even get to eat a bowl of Kelloggs

Last Friday I had to walk a ladder up 13 floors, far from ideal and obviously by the end I was sweating like a man wearing a North Face jacket - ah maybe that was the problem.

The ladder was to help get an electricity generating bike up onto a roof overlooking Battersea Power Station as part of a Video shoot with professional cyclist Nicole Cook.

The following day I was due to leave London at 9am driving to Stratford Upon Avon. Sadly the car provided didn't start so some equipment and personnel had to hop into a taxi to Paddington, for a train to Reading then a train to Banbury, finally a taxi to the Holiday Inn - Stratford Upon Avon.

After a punishingly epic edit following an afternoon/evening filming I finally checked into my hotel room at 6am. I awoke at 8am and without a shower staggered down to the best part of staying in a hotel, breakfast. Sadly my body was still eating itself with the sleep deprivation so I could only manage two hash browns some baked beans, tea and OJ. At 9am a taxi drove me with the all important video tapes to ITV Central in Birmingham. It was a 45 minute journey so I got a little shut eye.

Upon hitting the door buzzer at ITV Central I was met by a staunch senior chap in charge of the building - his name was Rod. Rod escorted me through the building and introduced me to some weekend working journos and a dude who works in the MCR (transmission room). After a few coffee's c/o the free coffee machine and an exploration of trainline.com options for my return to Colchester I played out the video tapes to various regional tv stations seeking footage from the Kellogg's Swimtastic Awards. Upon completion of the play out I walked through Birmingham to the New City train station. Considering it was a Sunday it was so busy in Birmingham, lots of Christmas themed wooden cabins everywhere. At one point I nearly purchased some hot chestnuts but oddly I just wasn't hungry.

After some directions from a friendly parking inspector-type I arrived at the train station. There were two jolly fellers selling tickets, note- everyone I had met in my time in Stratford/Birmingham were exceptionally friendly. It was £40 for a single ticket to London on Virgin trains. Fearing I wouldn't be able to sleep on the train unless I had a seat I asked about the First Class option. It was to be 120 big ones, and despite the men of tickets joking about how it wouldnt smell of drugs it was clearly not going to be a receipt I could justify to my employer so standard it was. Luckily I got a seat and it was in the quiet zone so sleep was possible. Once I hit London Euston I taxied over to Liverpool St via the office whom needed some video tapes. I then had to get a tube to Newbury Park, where a bus took me to Ingatestone, to meet a train to Colchester.

I had a suitcase on wheels so the use of the lift at Colchester station was well justified, I felt like crap but ultimately told myself to man up. Within moments of arriving back to the Villa a pizza was ordered, red wine opened and feet up to watch Countryfile and the final part of the amazing Ken Follet Piller's of the Earth drama - Epic, like my weekend.

Refunded taxi cost, epic scooter failure, the Love Bus, Gok Force1, Jedward & a chat with HRH Prince Michael of Kent

The good news is my chickens won't starve this Christmas as I've been working rather a lot lately (hence lack of posting) and National Express refunded a £90 taxi cost incurred due to them giving me wrong timetable advice = nice.

However don't get too excited as the Hoegaarden's aren't really on me because I was handed a nasty bill to replace the engine on my scooter due to a misunderstanding with regards to oil - potential legal case pending so won't say anymore here....

One of the highlights of the last few weeks was the Vodafone World of Difference national tour with Gok Wan. We traveled to Cardiff, Birmingham, Manchester, Leeds, Newcastle, Glasgow and Belfast. I was the edit-producer and so working with cameraman to the stars, Jonas Abbott, and one of London's hairiest soundmen, Anthony Arghyrou, we shot and produced films on each of the site visits. It was quite intense cutting on Gok Wan's tour bus - which he declared with the love bus - and I took in the field editing to a new level by cutting on the flight from Glasgow to Belfast, even finishing the sequence off on the runway. We had an incredible team in charge of logistics - ex Marines - and so we adopted the brand of being the Crack Team. Steak and chips was on the agenda every day after filming (and in my case: cutting, encoding & uploading) although I couldn't help but feel for the PR and Social Media guys who still had more planning/writing to do whilst I tucked into the beef (washed down with some good old fashioned Trempranillo). Dining with Gok Wan, Vodafone's top PRs and the crack team in Manchester's rainbow decorated streets is a memory to cherish.

In amongst various other random corporate shoots, web streamed tv shows and an interview with Jedward (in which I had a minor fail getting confused between Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer) I got to visit Kensington Palace to chat with HRH Prince Michael about his views on new education techniques - Sound! On my out of the palace I was informed about a certain video tape which was made of Princess Diana in the grounds of the palace - a youtube release is doubtful this century mind :)

Toast in Towcester, four cans of cyder, a Becks and a cup of tea.

After a 'standard' day shooting on Thursday I drove to a small market town near Silverstone, Milton Keynes, called Towcester. The purpose - a PR stunt organised by Costa's PR's to promote the new Coffee store, and I was producing content for the news/online media. The stunt was an artist painting with spreads on toast which was to be fixed on the windows of Costa, so painting on toast in Towcester - genius. Sticking the toast down wasn't so easy but with a crack team of professional toast loaders (namely the PR team, myself and Soundman to the stars Joe Price, we nailed it - well actually we didn't we spent £300 on NO MORE NAILS.

NEWS:

www.mirror.co.uk/celebs/news/2010/09/09/marmite-masterpiece-artist-uses-toast-as-canvas-for-celebrity-portraits-of-david-beckham-and-stephen-fry-115875-22549015

VIDEO:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-eBIntrqq0

Professional Toast Loaders Darius G Laws & Joe Price*:



After smashing the edit, involving time lapse photography, and couple of quick uploads I drove (with top PR Account Handler Madame Julia Hatch) back to London. My work wasn't over until I'd transferred all files for use first thing in the morning. I got back to Colchester just before midnight having been up since 5am so sleep was well deserved.

Friday's main shoot was a fashion based pr video with top Fashion Presenter/Producer Helen Boyle - I was reunited with Cameraman to the stars Jonas Abbott and we spent the day learning about fashion and how to wear the correct size bra - I also learnt that my favourite colour blue is still the 'new black'.

The shoot went relatively well and after a refreshing Hoegaarden I got a lazy taxi to Liverpool St and hit the 20:00 train as there was a curry with my name on up in uphill Colchester. The train was very busy and there was no seat for me. There was however an old friend, Chole Furniss, sat alone opposite a man drinking cans of cyder. I kneeled on the floor, to the frustraion of everyone wanting to get past me, to have some banter with my old Colchester Sixth Form buddy and fellow Blur enthusiast. She was more tired than I so didn't want a can of Becks but was happy with a cup of tea. A west London dweller, I learnt she 'going home' for a wedding but as per my routine wasn't so certain of the detail and needed to 'find the invitation' - standard.

The Cyder drinker sitting opposite was content with my slight invasion into his personal space. He was on his third can of Cyder since leaving Liverpool St, I enquired if he was going to Norwich but he wasn't he was heading to Colchester, I was somewhat taken aback by his determination to get through four cans of fine Suffolk Cyder in such a short space of time but fair played to him I accidently drank a bottle of rose on the way home on Monday so who was I to argue. He actually showed me how he wouldn't be able to finish his fourth due to a broken ring pull. Determined to show my manly practical skills, and relishing in my success of sticking toast to windows with no more nails I just had to get his can open. So, I whipped out my front door key, penetrated the can and my fellow commuter was on his fourth just minutes before we landed in Colchester.


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* available for hire

Man time on the coast of Essex, no "last train" and a £90 taxi

My partner in European travel adventures Thomas Charles Whitman picked me up at 06:30 on Saturday and we got a transfer from a friend's house in South-West Colchester to Mersea where we met a man and a boat.

It was a male only trip which was ideal as there was only a small bucket to pee in and we were to be at seat for 8 hours. During which time three of us, myself included, had multiple sickness off the side of the boat - the first man of illness was Alex Brown who won the prize for the worst smelling sick I've ever experienced. Second up was myself, although I wasn't sure if it was the boat's rocking motion or a few Hoegaarden's the night before which had done me in, finally it was my good friend Howard (father of one) Alistair Mitchell who "clearly hadn't learnt to be sick as a child" (quote from fellow fishing novice). Once we had all got it out of our system and the skipper had decided to take us to less choppy waters we began to focus on the job - and fish for the BBQ was the desired outcome. Sadly everything we caught was too small to eat with an exception of a whiting (sic) which fisherman Alex decided was to be taken home and prepared for his good lady.

After some food and a few ales we hit the road back to Colchester (DGL minus a flask and a bum bag which were lost somewhere on the coast). Fisherman Thomas Charles Whitman aka Thomas Jenson Whitman was my assigned driver back for the final leg of my journey. Amusingly he had an evening appointment which he wasn't quite on form for following a day of fishing.



After a bath and some photo-editing I prepared for a London bound evening trip. Fisherman Howard Alistair Mitchell was to join me and we boarded the 21:03 train to London. It wasn't very busy, we had a good table seat and had a bottle of the golden wheat beer, some say the drink of the Gods, aka Hoegaarden. We had a long chat with a female ticket inspector about life/the trains/etc concluding with a question from me asking about the final return train to Colchester. I was quoted 12:46am. With this in mind I wrapped early from my East London event and was at Liverpool St at 12:30am, keen on the idea of a hot apple pie and a Sunday newspaper for the return journey. Sadly there was no smooth way home as the last train had in fact been 12:18am. The station staff were as helpful as they could have been but it was I in the end who had to get a 00:55 train to Shenfield and then a £90 taxi from there to get back. Otherwise it would have been another sleep over in the doorway of a shop which wasn't a healthy option. I have written to NX East Anglia and on the basis of being given inaccurate information expect a refund of the cost of my taxi. Fingers crossed.

A Journey on water

I didn't have to travel on the train today in fact I walked to the Roman streets of Colchester twice but this travel wasn't enough to satisfy my craving for a journey....

So, and the reason I had to walk into Colchester on the second occasion today, I decided it was time to find out if my inflatable boats could provide a journey down the river colne. After purchasing a pump, as well as Dom Joly's new book 'A Dark Tourist', I had a mini work out/proceeding to pump my two boats. The first one had a hole on a join so I concluded it was a write off, the second boat had a previous puncture repair but it seemed to be holding so with a pair of oars I took it to water. Just around the corner from where I live is a former Lido which is now connecting to the river. The water level was quite low so I had to jump in, I found myself hesitating in front of a man who I noted had a canoe by his side. He saw my struggle and offered advice in how I would get a float without falling into the mud which I just about managed.

The next challenge was to engage my oars so that I could go cruising however it it suddenly struck me I was sitting in a child's dinghy with a massive hole in it held together by an ancient bike type repair patch - it was time to give up. This view was also recommended by a collection of onlookers. Realising I no longer had a purpose for this boat I asked the man of the water what I should do with it - he suggested a car boat sale. Noting my man's (Justin) canoe I asked if I could get involved - he said I could and that he was waiting to hit the water with the Colchester Canoe Club, I was welcome to hire the full kit for £5. Cashless I asked if I could drop the money through the door tomorrow, after all I do only live over the road. Justin had an eloquent solution, he offered me £5 for my boat as he had a beach hunt in Harwich and his daughter would get use out of it. We had a deal and so I joined some twenty+ guys and we went for an epic journey along the river Colne towards Colchester's Castle and back.

All Off at Shenfield

Last Thursday I'd had a long liquid lunch followed by a chance underground drinking experience with friends (Lady Tills and Miss Richards), despite this I was a good boy and called time on myself around 9pm.

I had hoped to be home and in bed early so to be on form for the following day which was set to be a solo edit, sadly I didn't get back until nearly 3am.

The cables had come down beyond Shenfield, I had the comedy experience sitting next to two young ladies from Stowmarket who had been to London for the day on a 'photoshoot' - it was all new to them but to us professional train commuters there was no doubt we were in for some punishment once they had announced the cables were down.

The train stopped at Shenfield and people piled off in search of some rail replacement buses - you couldn't expect them to be on standby and ready so I got a couple of Adnams from the bar and continued to relax until I realised that many more trains from London were on their way....

With my two new friends from Stowmarket we joined the crowds:





It was dark, raining and the buses were coming one-by-one. As more and more people joined it became unpleasant, with tensions running high. It was everyman, or women from Stowmarket, for themselves.

I'd joked that those who hadn't any critical responsibilities to attend to should go to a pub for an hour and let things calm down I was however lucky to find myself pushed onto the second bus to Chelmsford - where a train would eventually get us to Colchester.

I since heard the police had to be called in to control the crowds - its no wonder as there was no one in charge and no one outlining where and when buses were be arranged.

A Fire, no Friends and no Phone

I hit Liverpool st this evening c. 16:30 with the intention of some political leaflet distribution in Colchester sadly a line side fire in Romford meant no trains were leaving the station....

Usual panic begins, everyone on their phones "hi darling sorry I'm delayed not sure what time I will be back" / "all the trains are fucked" / "can you find out whats going on", and plenty of people pugnaciously questioning NX front line workers and Transport Police. A seasoned veteran in train delays it seemed this one was out of everyone's control and so there was no point in being angry with anyone so I turned to my phone to see who might be around for a pint. Annoyingly my phone was dead because today was the big day my number was being transferred over to Vodafone and my new phone was back home sat next to the kettle.

Without a laptop on me and with little energy to do any 'work' I decided the best option was a can of beer, sat on the steps of broadgate, and some good old fashioned people watching. I then got quite excited at the prospect of spotting someone I knew there was every chance I could go and have another brew or maybe even a bricklane - sadly the random lottery of friends resulted in nothing. About an hour after this I went back to platform 9 to see if there was any train to norwich action...... the tannoy kicked in with 'the next departure to Norwich will be on platform 9' - bingo I was in and quite in front of the masses so I got a seat.

I struggled to get past a couple of pages of my book and became sleepy in the heat, people were standing throughout the train. I woke at one point to see people passing a note down the line - no idea what it said but everyone seemed to be smiling.

Three and a half hours from my initial arrival at Liverpool St I spotted the allotments of Mile End (in amongst the new town houses/flats) and an evening of catch up on work began... political propaganda tomorrow.

Gourmet Dining Options, First Class & Queue Jumping

Its been a while since I've posted but I guess that may be down to the fact I'm no longer doing 5 consecutive days commuting at peak - so the need to note down is perhaps less needed....

I have however some good memories of the last few weeks.

Friends Mat and Clare at Liverpool lured me to drink wine at Liverpool St, once we'd finished I agreed to go seek out the food while they went to find more wine. I was on limited time in the fine dining yellow arched establishment so I had to sacrifice the plain option when it comes to the double cheese burgers....

With seconds to go I boarded the train with Mat and Clare only just making it also... We had a burger and a little (chicken) taster each. Crucially we didn't go for the fries option as I had plenty of home grown salad. The man sharing the table chairs with us found this most amusing - I tho thought it was a great way of balancing the meal.

The summer had most certainly arrived when I realised I was dripping in sweat before I'd even stepped onto the train let alone hit London - with this and with the confidence that I'd be working much that week I purchased a First Class train ticket. I didn't take advantage of it completely (as previous tale happened by sitting in standard) but on the days I did it was most enjoyable. Air con. Space. Peace and Quiet. But at a big premium.

Days ago a well spoken chap sporting a ruck sack and shorts decided he was going to push into the queue. I might normally let this go but time was tight and it was afterall in Colchester. 'Excuse me mate I think I'm next' was met with an obnoxious 'well i didn't know' - what sorry I was standing in line with a debit card in my hand. When I got to the machine it said ' no debit cards ', i turned around to advise the queue jumper and he swiftly walked to the portable ticket dispensing conductor - once again queue jumping. I gave up.

Metro in audio book & the loudest toddlers in England.

Traveling outside of rush hour on the train can often be a relaxing experience. Not it seems if your journey is to take you from Waterloo to Andover. Yesterday I went to record and photograph the sculptor working on the Sir Keith Park statue. Having already read the metro on the Colchester to London train I tucked into a history book on Rome only to be distracted by feeling a sense of deja vu – I could hear some Canadians talking about the stories I’d already read. At first it was odd but then I realized , rather annoyingly, one of the party of three was determined to read the metro newspaper out loud to the group. This was however nothing on the scale of punishment I was going to be put through on my return journey to London.

A young middle class mother and her two toddlers were sat adjacent to me in the quiet zone. Now I hadn’t deliberately aimed to be in the quiet zone but once I was settled I realized it was an ideal opportunity to catch up on sleep – this was the plan but very quickly I realized it wasn’t a viable option given how noisy the two young children were. Not being a parent I dismissed my initial annoyance at their noise, that was until the mother starting encouraging – whilst we are all sat in the quiet zone – her children to practice singing. This was all happening whilst the younger of the two girls was standing on the seats, with mum encouraging the continued ‘fun’. I resisted temptation to request for a more socially aware approach to child management (in the style of a recent trip to Lincoln where I had to offer feedback over a poor standard of coffee) so for an hour had to endure the noise. Mum did try and calm the children down towards the end of the journey with a classic game of I SPY but this didn’t entertain the oldest child who went off and found a man with an IPHONE on the train – in which she persuaded him to access some games. The mother found this amusing, and without apologizing to the man merely said that she ‘does this all the time’.

Now I’m no parent but I do think encouraging some social discipline into young children is probably a prudent long-term move – the next time I have to endure a family like that in the quiet zone I might just have to offer that feedback.

Lost Beer and Lunch

Yesterday's 07:45am was canceled and the 08:00 was 10 or maybe 16 minutes late so most of us made our way to platform 2 for to get on 08:02. 08:02 came and went and the driver announced that the train was going to be held to allow for the 08:00 to pass through. This was the moment everyone dashed back onto platform 3 but in my joining of the exodus an asda bag containing morning picked fresh salad, a hunk of cheese, some bread and a can of Becks left my company.

I realised about half an hour later but what was even more annoying was that the driver had got it wrong and it was his train, the one with my lunch and few passengers which set off to London first.....

Not an ideal start to what was otherwise a pleasant day - in which I met Director Noel Clarke and produced a webchat with presenter to the stars Vicky Letch.