The Train Stops at Witham

Despite being informed by an Adviser on the phone I would be back in Colchester at 02:18 if I left London at 01:00 it was closer to 04:00. Thomas Charles Whitman and I started at a micro brewery in Blackheath got a taxi to Liverpool St at midnight, then got a bus to Stratford, then a train to Chelmsford, then a bus to Witham, then a train to Colchester. Thank god I had a North Face, a Maccy D's and Mr Whitman for the banter..... A couple of questions remain outstanding from the evening - just what was that smell on the bus to Witham and who the hell was that bloke heading to Felixstowe/what did he do when he got to Colchester?

Good Luck Santa

An amusing way for Santa to travel - saw him this weekend in Manningtree. All the best to him.

I'm still standing...

Got on a train this morning at 08:15 as I had hoped to get a standard class seat to do a spot of editing. Instead I had to use the vestibule space in 1st class to edit on the floor. Booooo.

A seat!!!

I get a seat on the Train on Wednesday.

(Saturday) Weekend Travel

Although amusingly I heard that there were no trains running today between Norwich and Ipswich despite it being the football derby!

Disparities in Service on the East Coast mainine vs London2Norwich service

Today I was on a PREDITING mission to York – for those of you not in the media-game that means I was off to produce/direct/shoot and edit some tv/video/online content. Leaving Kings Cross in the morning was pretty sweet as everyone else was coming into London as I made my way north. Shocked to notice that Burger King and the AMT coffee stall had disappeared so I had to settle for a cup of tea on the train. Incredibly the train to York took just two hours, so that’s a journey which would normally take 4 hours in a car taking just 2. On this basis you would expect a journey to London from Colchester to take 30 minutes, or even less if driving at DGL Pre near-death-driving car write off days back in ‘07. The other disparity in quality standards is the fact this blog posting is being created thanks to free wi fi access. Why can’t the London to Norwich trains have this!. Having done a few hours work in York I’m now heading back on a lovely spacious train where I will have to battle the crowds back through to East Anglia. The only complaint about today’s train experiences was the loud northern folk on the seats opposite me this morning, clearly not a National Express issue – although last night’s Norwich train had some very noisy (train newbie’s from the depths of Norfolk no doubt) people on board the quiet coach – maybe National Express could remind all passengers firmly that a quiet coach is not the place to be practicing the art of being loud!

Two consecutive morning delays & a man touching my foot

The title says it all really. I fell asleep yesterday morning next to the toilet only to be awoken by a man pushing my leg - amusingly as the said man had entered the toilet my foot, pressed against the door, had followed. He was merely trying to close the door - it was just a shock to see a middle aged man in a suit holding my foot.

Break Down.

Leaving work at a casual 18:30 a colleague, Mr Iain Holding, and I took large strides towards Old Street where our company would part and I would continue onto Liverpool St. It was a pleasant stroll despite the rain, which has never really bothered me. I enquired as to his eating plans for the evening, wisely he had secured a deal with his lady, I however hadn’t been as smart. As I walked onto the neon lit, fast-food paradise that is the Liverpool St concourse I noticed larger crowds than normal. Something was wrong, you could see people on their phones, and no doubt justifying their late arrivals to loved ones. Sure enough the annoy announced that due to a broken down train in Colchester we were set for delays up to 50 minutes. Racked up with pages of Literature I made my way to a seat, as I forced my way through the gauntlet I resisted all temptations to purchase burger based meals in favour of the prospect of healthy food back home at the Villa. Moments after cracking into the nationally significant news story about Madonna’s marriage coming to an end my eyes were distracted and I could see a young IC2 man being followed by men with walkie talkies. He was throwing his hands in the air and clearly not happy, I couldn’t hear what the issue was but I somewhat doubt it was anything to do with his jeans that were hanging around his knees (alright that’s slightly exaggerated).

Noticing the 19:18 train to Harwich via Colchester was boarding I made my way to the platform. The train was more packed than a Luminar Leisure nightclub (who run classy establishments such as Liquid-Envy and Chicago Rock café) selling Carling for a quid on a Saturday night so I decided to hold out for the 19:38 to Ipswich. Boarding this train I went straight to the toilet, as the need to urinate was intense, joyfully the toilet was full of paper, piss and the lock didn’t work. Upon taking a knee-touching seat a man larger than I was tucking into a packet of walkers and a young guy to my left was clipping his finger nails – I was very tempted to advise him of his disgustingly selfish ways but resisted.

I picked up where I left off with reading the ‘news’ about Madonna and her husband before being distracted by the chap opposite who by now had moved onto his main course of a massive Ginsters pasty. It was all becoming a little too much for a Monday so just as we approached Chelmsford I volunteered my seat to a man standing centimetres away from me and went back to the toilet where my train journey began to write this. This morning’s train was delayed by seven minutes and I somewhat imagine this won’t be the last problem of the week.

No seats

Ok so I can understand not getting a seat on the train in the 07:00-08.00am rush hour but not getting a seat on the 06:15 train = outrageous.

No Grey Lines - Get Out of 1st Class

The 07:15 didn’t look like it had any seats so I decided to take relax on the platform and wait for the 07:30. It was a pleasant rest but it didn’t prepare me for the journey I was about to endure.

I sat on the floor of First Class along with a female commuter as there were so many people waiting in the vestibule when a large IC2 male and female ticket inspector came along. The female suggested that I might want a seat but I politely advised I didn’t have a first class ticket to which the man then asked me to step over the dividing line – and back into Standard Class. Given the obvious lack of room on the other side of the line, and given that he also asked my fellow commuter to do the same I told him he was being “pedantic” but that I “didn’t want an argument”.

Moments later I managed to obtain an exclusive off-the-record interview with a female ticket inspector whom advised me there was no ‘grey lines’ with that particular payment enforcement officer and that it was just black and white. She quietly advised me to stand in First Class but to move quickly upon the man’s return. We had further banter about the lack of WI FI access and how slim the chances might be of a future pricing structure, a la 1980’s football terraces, where you may get reduced ticket prices for standing. We both concluded it was never going to happen.

I noticed an argument broke out between the male ticket enforcement officer and another male commuter who claimed to have walked the length of the train to find no seat or space to stand….. it was a glorious way to start the day but it didn’t end there.
After some banter with my fellow commuters the ticket enforcement officer returned to ask everyone to move away from the first class door. His focus centred on a young twenty something blonde lass whom he deemed to be sitting way too close to the dividing line. He then turned on me as I had stepped over the line, to which I pointed out was because I was letting him walk past me. Things began to get a little silly so I went into the toilet for a few minutes to make a statement to camera. I came out and the discussions were continuing, I noted some First Class commuters were amused so I went for a chat. They were in no way bothered about their space being impacted by a few standard classers sitting/standing near them...

HOW MUCH!!!

I took a train from London to Birmingham today for work. Return cost £100 - surely this is insane!

the heat is on

I got onto the 19:00 tonight - aware I've been living on 5.5 hrs sleep each night this week I went to the quiet coach - sadly it wasn't very quiet.

Why oh why is the quality of my journey compromised by people who aren't regular users and so find the simple things amusing../ challenging.... anyways a very polite polyester city suit banker type asked if he could sit next to me and within minutes I was asleep - only to be woken constantly throughout the journey by what appeared to be a primary school party whom thought sitting in the quiet coach would be a good idea. The sun was beating on my forehead and I was sweating like a rickshaw rider. Not ideal. Why oh why couldnt the team leader have exerted some control over the kids - as one little lad nearly smashed his head into my camera tripod as i got out at colchester i almost felt compelled to shout at the little people and give them a lesson which their ditzy female leaders were clearly unable to teach .... social decorum!

cancellations

Tuesday 19th

The 19:00 to Norwich was cancelled. A customer service officer advised there was a fault on the train - classic.

Very nearly missed my appointment in Ipswich for a game of football. Clare Owens (soon to be Burley) managed to get on the 19:30 train with me altho it was so busy she couldn't move down the isle to get to me.....

Not a lot of noise?

Fear not people Im sure the trains are just as unreliable as ever but my silence on matters over coming days is due to the fact I shall be exploring parts of Cornwall and Devon on a camping holiday.

I look forward massively to trying to claim back a £40 return ticket I had to buy on Friday due to misplacing my weekly pass of pain. I did attempt to claim this money back by showing the man on the ticket counter 8 weeks worth of bank statements to prove I do indeed buy a weekly ticket but that on this occasion I had made an admin error. He was having none of it and said I would need to find my ticket. Thankfully I have altho my head might explode with rage if they challenge the fact my, highly forgable, paper, railway id card, might have a number out on it when reconciled with my ticket ( on the basis that I can never remember the number and just guess it).

good luck fellow commuters and may the force be with you. As always keep an eye on Liam's blog: www.ihatenationalexpress.blogspot.com

Tuesday 29th July 2008

HOT HOT HOT

the trains are painfully hot and the lighting is shit. I boarded a PM train last night but having got on close to departure it was packed and so hot it reminded me of a time spent with a friend (howard mitchell) who was sweating buckets on a peak hour central line tube - so I decided to hop of this train and try my luck on another.....

This evening's journey, and the motivation for the post, was spolit for me by the lady at Chelmsford who couldn't cope with me sitting in the door way. The train was still moving at full pace but we were close to Chelmsford, I was mildly sleepy but well aware of my need to get up and give access to people wishing to leave. Her words were pugnacious in asking me to move - I reacted a little colder than I normally would explaining I would get up when the train arrived as I had a bad back. Our conversation didn't develop....

Tuesday 15th July 2008-A JOURNEY OF SWEAT

Getting into work was painless this morning. Obviously I had a seat next to the toilet door (on the floor) but could be worse.

This evening wasn't so smooth. The 19:00 train had a late boarding time, an engineer was inspecting the train, in the end we were allowed to board a train on platform 9 at one minute to seven. Departing six minutes late I was sitting with my face towards London next to a chap who sheepishly was tucking into a burger king. The sun was beating my face with all its power, my shades were on but nothing could stop the sweat dripping into my ears. I became rather self-conscious and it prevented me from nodding off. The only good thing was that my shades were so steamed up I couldn't see people's reactions to my state. Man I hate humid Britain conditions at times. Its a skanky heat and not even my organic socks and 100% cotton boxers could cope....

The train wasn't moving very fast and stopped for nearly ten minutes just past Witham as there was a report of a "burning smell" (we were advised over the tannoy). Excellent stuff - convo broke out with my neighbour, nice chap from the IPCC living in Ipswich.

Arrived at Ipswich at 8:42pm noting en route, with my neighbour, how special the Dedham Vale is - albeit for the slightly strange collection of transitional residents 'living' in the field at Manningtree station.

Friday 11th July 2008

Helping out a brother (Stu Jones, 2nd AD, Holby City) I was the ENG cameraman for the asian news team in an upcoming episode of Holby City.  The train journey from Elstree back to central London on Friday night was so terrible but it wasn't the train which was bad...... my journey back coincided with the Big Brother eviction so it was full of .... how do we say it ..... C2,D/E's.

I was trying to read my book Rum old buoys (an East Anglian Classic) but was being constantly irritated  by some chavs  repeat playing distorted video on their phones and calling mate to advise how "pissed off" they were because it was raining.  

The tube journey to Liverpool St was smooth and I managed to resist the urge of the golden arches and a brew to find myself sitting on my suit case on a train to Clacton via Colchester.  The 23:30 to Norwich had been cancelled.  Standing next to me were three 'rum old' suffolk lads, late 30s and tucking into the smelliest cornish pasties possible.  They weren't happy with having to change at Colchester (to get to Ipswich presumably) - this led to a conversation about "shouting down" Col U fans in the work place, as well as a convo about a hatred of Spurs FC.  This man who hated Spurs put it down to his fathers love of the Gunners and that was it.  What seemed like the slowest train in Europe arrived in Colchester sometime before 1am - after 2 days on the road it was good to be back.

Wednesday 9th July 2008

AM

Incredible I got a seat in the quiet coach on the 07:30. Read the metro in about 8.5 seconds and fell asleep. Train arrived on time and there wasn't too much stress/congestion at the gates. Fantastic.

Tuesday 8th July 2008

PM

Upon getting on the 19:00 to Norwich we were advised to expect delays due to "line side failures" and a 'tresspasser' on the tracks.

Sure enough my journey to Ipswich was delayed by just under half an hour. Fair enough not a lot you can do about the idiot on the tracks/potential suicider but "line side failures"! :(

Monday 7th July 2008

The 07:30 train was held up for a few moments due to "congestion in the Stratford area". Standing in the vestibule area I kept hearing grunts and sighs from a suit behind me which didn't do anything for morale.....

On arrival at Liverpool Street there was a lot of congestion getting out of the barriers, I always amuse over the guys who do a sneaky move by overtaking on the right hand side. Will that three minute time saving really enhance your day? I was amused last week one morning when someone's ticket wouldn't let them through the barrier, clearly not a regulr commuter she stood there in disbelief, meanwhile a middle aged chap ,with a quiet voice, muttered "if it doesn't work just move on" and "c'mon".

Last Thursday (3rd July) I was travelling on the Tube to Belsize Park, it was around 9pm (I had a seat) and become distracted by some noise from the carriage next door. I looked through the window to see a drunk man, boasting an extremely red face (Capel guys think Micheal Curfey), and holding a can of strong lager, shouting and thrashing his arms around. He was clearly making distasteful gestures towards a young Asian family standing next to him. It was disturbingly inappropriate and I shock my head at him, he reacted by brandishing his fist at me. Through fear of what might happen next I looked away only to be pulled back in his direction when I heard a man shouting "Shut it". A big white chap had stepped in and firmly advised the man to shut up or risk being thrown off at the next opportunity. Cheers and clapping ensued. This had proved an eventful evening as I had previously seen some stand up poetry (Luke Wright) and tried to engage with a mad old women intent on ripping down calling cards only to tear them up and throw them around like confetti. A London Lite distribute had a theory that the women's husband had run off with a prostitute. Regardless it was the mindless littering which bothered me.

Monday 30th June 2008

07:15 "fast" train completely packed. Atleast 11 people and I packed into the corridor. 07:45 a man walks briskly past asking if there is a doctor or nurse onboard. Moments later a senior conductor makes the same request, as a passenger has "collapsed". What a reassuring implication..... that maybe there were no on-board first aiders. The train stopped at Stratford, to wait for medics, many of us got on the central line tubes to complete the journey.

Friday 27th June 2008

AM

Interestingly the 07:37 train was quite empty, although with good reason, as we stopped just before Witham for about 10 minutes to allow the 07:45 "fast" (yea right) train to charge past us.

Two young ladies of the blonde variety boarded at Chelmsford.  They were initially quite load and concerned over which side of the train to sit on to avoid bright sunlight.  There was also a fascinating conversation over the challenge of applying make up on moving trains and not doing a "bridget".

For the first 10 minutes I was just about able to concentrate on reading my book, Black Gold, however as I hit the pages about Napoleon and his coffee consumption habits I became intolerably distracted so I gave up and scribbled this....

"did xxx go out last night" - self note I've always loved the term 'going out', I don't know about you but I've been leaving my house (going out) pretty much since the day I was born.... I digress, the conversation develops "he said, she said"......"is xxxx going to Ibiza"..... and my favourite "do you think she's annoyed coz she ain't gonna be a bridesmaid". Class or rather 'standard class'.

Wednesday 25th June 2008

AM

Faulty trains in the Ipswich area meant the 07:30 (Norwich to London) train was going to arrive in Colchester at 07:54.  Luckily there was a train from another line calling in at 07:33 - amazingly I got a seat.  This train probably came from Colchester Town.  Despite being crushed in my seat by other passengers and my knees touching another mans I fell asleep for most of the journey.

Monday 23rd June 2008

PM

20:00 So close to arriving back in Colchester but then train is suspiciously static for a few moments. We are then advised there is a points failure at Colchester and that ‘engineers are working as fast as possible’ – joy.

20:15 A very courteous announcement that the points have been “plumped” and once the two trains in front of us, and the station, have cleared we will be on our way.
So despite living 4 minutes walk away from Colchester North train station I probably won’t be consuming any food this evening until atleast 9pm. Good job I enjoying fish finger sarnies and a glass of red for lunch.

20:35 I spoke to soon, we are still static, some banter breaks out with some fellow passengers who are also sitting on the floor. One lady advises me how she claimed back £600 last year in delay repay compensation and that the standard of service was no different last year. We amuse how a freight train just cruised past - one gent noting that it was more important than us.

AM
Narrowly missing the 07:15 I held out for the 07:30 with the view I may be in with a chance to getting a seat….. this wasn’t the case along and with seven other passengers the cold floor in between two carriages was the place for me.
08:05 I think we are in Shenfield, there has been an announcement that a broken down train between Shenfield and Brentwood is causing delays.
08:15 we are on the move again.

Tuesday 17th June 2008

On the 19:00 train (London LS to Colchester) its 19:04 and we are informed the train is delayed from departing as a member of staff was held up. Later on in the journey there is some seriously slow driving, this was acknowledged by an explanation of 'speed restrictions'.

One final journey and my week of trains is over

Wednesday 11^th June 2008

Following a short interview on BBC Radio Essex about the current situation I made my way to the station.  It was possible to get a standing position on a train at 07:25am.  Obviously the journey slightly overran, I felt sorry for the guys who couldn’t get on at Chelmsford – you couldn’t have had anyone more packed onto that train.

Mid PM – a friend advises of more difficulties following an accident with two engineers.  17:51 just wrapping up at work and fighting to get out and get home in time for a nice glass of St Emilion, feet up in front of the Apprentice and then pack for the Isle of Wight Festival.  Thank god I won’t have to endure any more train journey’s this week. 

Tuesday 10^th June 2008

A video shoot in Reading starting at 9am meant I took the radical move to request a taxi from Colchester to London this morning.  This meant a 5:15am pick up, as pleasant as the journey was I wasn’t able to get much sleep as I was buzzing about the day ahead – shooting an internet viral featuring Melinda Messenger!

Having let local media aware of my new blog I took a call today from SGR Radio (North Essex/Suffolk) where we conducted a pre recorded interview on why I had set up the blog and outlining my basic frustrations with our nation’s train services.  I also had an email from BBC Suffolk and arranged a 06:40 interview for tomorrow.

We wrapped our filming at 5ish and I jumped on a tube to get to Liverpool street in the vain hope of getting the usual 19:00 to Norwich via Ipswich, the idea being I would arrive in Ipswich and be able to play football with my friends starting at 21:00.

The 19:00 was cancelled but what joy when I saw an additional service had been put on for 19:08 going (via many stations) to Ipswich. The clock ticked and before I knew it we had exceeded our departure time. A number of passenger’s went to enquire with a chap on the platform who was no doubt repeating the same response to each of them in turn (maybe a megaphone might have helped?).  19:15 and all was revealed, the train was cancelled as they didn’t “have a driver” – in frustration I saw a middle aged man in first class bang his fist against the wall of the carriage.  A mini stampede ensued towards a neighbouring platform where a 19:30 train to Norwich was set to run. I boarded first class and took a seat.  Given I didn’t have a first class ticket this isn’t a moral decision I’m comfortable with but I guess at the time survival of the fittest human instincts kicked in – atleast I can take comfort in persuading the young mum not to fight her way through first class and beyond with a buggy and to sit opposite me, despite her lack of a legitimate ticket also. 

20:05 slowly we set off arriving in Ipswich at gone 21:00, I’m late for football, will be late for bed and no doubt the trains will be late tomorrow.

Monday 9th June 2008

I appreciate that working in this service environment isn’t an easy job, and that’s when everything runs smoothly, however given that I spend a small fortune on trains (nearly £500 PCM) I am beginning to expect better. I hope the board of National Express are listening.

Following 6 months of commuting from Colchester to London, and countless year’s waiting on platforms in Lincoln/Nottinghamshire I’ve decided it’s about time to share with the world my experiences on the trains. As the weeks progressed from Christmas I have found it increasingly more challenging to find a seat on a train leaving Colchester at peak times, thankfully a Poundsaver shop delivered a solution – a fisherman’s stool. This stool has empowered me no end, with the ability to sit outside the toilet’s in between carriages, allowing me enough space to get through the Metro (ok so that’s occupied 6 minutes of my journey) and of course a trusty paperback (noting the lack of wi fi on the train or the desire to become impotent by having a laptop on my lap). Now we all understand that from time to time there are going to be technical issues or even the tragic suiciders which can cause delay to our journeys but of late I’ve noticed an increasing trend in National Express’ inability to offer clarity over the problems and solutions, let alone some contingencies. This evening I had to endure a two-hour wait on the concourse of Liverpool Street due to ‘overhead power line failure’, one would have thought a bus service to some of the larger destinations such as Chelmsford, Colchester, Ipswich and Norwich wouldn’t have been hard to organise, especially from a company whom’s main business is buses! Over the last 6 months there have been countless delays, noting two occasions straight after a bank holiday – again no bus contingencies arranged. On one occasion, after a fatality near Witham, there were buses arranged but no one had communicated this to us chaps waiting on the platform. I was quite comfortable cutting some video on a powerbook for around half an hour, until I noticed the temperature had dropped to a level where I could no longer feel my fingers. I strolled into the waiting room and loudly boasted that I wanted to get back to Colchester and would any stranger(s) like to share a taxi with me. A man stepped up to the mission and together we walked with a pugnacious stride over the tracks and outside of the station; to our amazement we were greeted with a small collection of single decker buses all of which travelling to our preferred destination of Colchester (and beyond). Quite how this couldn’t have been communicated to those of us waiting on the platform is beyond me. Stratford station and the tube lines from it where at virtual stand still the other day when a bridge had collapsed over the tracks near Liverpool Street, god only knows what will happen when the Olympics arrives. People will come from Beijing to London with seamless effort, sadly for them getting from London to Essex might prove more of an effort – I can hear the tannoy announcements now “We are sorry for the delay in the 2012 Olympics Mountain Bike race two of your contestants are stuck on a National Express Train” …. Its 10:15 and a fellow comrade in the struggle to get home has just departed my company to get out at Witham – sadly she has to take a hit on a taxi journey to Kelvedon. Finger’s crossed I will arrive in Colchester within 15 minutes, where a cup of hot lemon will be consumed. I do hope my greenhouse plants are coping without their anticipated water feed.